Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
