I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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