I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
