My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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