i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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