this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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