I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
