And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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