last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
