He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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