Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
