My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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