Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
