Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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