Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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