ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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