He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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