How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
