I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
