These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
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I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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