so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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