She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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