just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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