The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
