My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
