who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
