$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
