you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
