Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
