This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
PANTIES FOUND
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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