My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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