Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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