Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize