you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
