Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
