I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
