He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
