i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
