I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Found the puke drawer
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
