so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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