um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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