The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
