took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
