I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
