It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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