you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
handjob tips. give me some.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
third nipple confirmed
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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