five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
