She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
only if we run a train.
done.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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