whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
