just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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