I have demons in me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
