I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
