i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
