Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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