i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
