Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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