So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
