Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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