I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize