if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
