I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
