tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
