sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
