I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
