I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
