So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
