today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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