I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
