I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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