I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
