She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
