That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
