Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So squirting runs in the family.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
