Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
