I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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