I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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