I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
